This is a real product...I'm not joking.

Do you think that this product is funny, or is it offensive? Cast your vote now!

First of all, I would like to make sure that everybody knows that I am approaching this post from a completely neutral political point of view. I am not trying to poke fun or be disrespectful. I honestly want to know what people think of this product. I thought at first that it was a joke, but I checked and it is on Amazon and other sites for purchase. You can see the product/watch the commerical here, and please do so before you read my questions below (and, also, if you have bought this, I apologize, I'm not trying to make fun of anybody):

https://www.chiaobama.com/flare/next

Okay, now, honestly, what do you think of this thing? Do you think it expresses patriotism and support for the President as the commercial suggests, or do you think that it is disrespectful or making him into a joke?

When I first saw this, I assumed it was a joke. Can a product really be a sign of respect and support if people can see it and laugh and automatically think that people are kidding and making fun of the President? What did you think when you first saw it? If I didn't tell you that it was real beforehand, and someone just e-mailed it to you, would you think they were kidding? I think that people who dislike the President are probably just as likely to buy this as people who do like him...it'd either be a symbol of pride or a gag gift. If you saw this in someone's home, would your first thought be, "This person must really like Obama", or "This person must be making fun of Obama"? Do you find this offensive? Do you find it funny? And, I don't want to cross any boundaries here, but does anyone else think that this thing seems slightly racist in some way? What do you think Obama thinks or feels about this chia pet? Do you think he's flattered, or somewhat disturbed about it? How would you feel if you were made into a chia pet? Would people be teasing you or honoring you?

I wonder if they are going to start making lots of president chia pets now. "And now introducing our new President Products! Includes Chia Washington, Chia Lincoln, Chia Roosevelt, Chia Kennedy, and, just to be really random, Chia Taft! Order yours today! Be on the lookout for new Chia Presidents soon!"

Vampires: Are You Prepared?

A Short Guide to Your Protection

While emergency guides regarding fires, hurricanes, robbers, assailants and other dangerous subjects are common, an increasingly prevalent threat has been all but ignored: vampirism.

Vampires have been popping up everywhere lately. Popular culture has embraced the vampire and elevated him to a prominent position in movies, literature, comics, magazines, video games, costumes and lifestyles. Despite this, most people are completely unprepared for a real vampire attack.

The trickiest thing about vampire protection is the fact that there are now so many different types of them. Knowing what kind of vamp you are dealing with can mean that the best method of protection could be the difference between staking them and getting them to fall in love with you. It could also mean the difference between death and eternal life, should you either unwittingly or by choice become a vampire.

Below are the most common types of vampires and how to either avoid them, protect yourself from them, or make the decision to become one of the undead yourself...

THE TRADITIONAL VAMPIRE

What they are: This type of vamp dates back to ancient times. Most people are aware of this type of vampire because of the classic bloodsucker, Dracula. They have a nearly uncontrollable bloodlust and are typically quite evil. They kill their victims, or make them into vampires themselves.

How to avoid them: These vampires sleep in coffins during the day, so hanging out near a casket around nightfall should be avoided. They are typically quite crafty, so watch out. Many can also change form. Alternate forms include a bat, a wolf, and fog or mist.

How to tell that you're dealing with one: This type of vampire will shy away from light, garlic, and religious symbols. They cast no reflection in a mirror. A pale complexion, sharp teeth, and old-world clothing can be observed. There may or may not be a Transylvanian accent present. Another telltale sign is the presence of twin pinpricks on the necks of victims.

Your best defense: Wielding a cross, crucifix, or holy water is ideal. Hanging garlic around your home or draping a string of it around your neck, though nasally unpleasant, can be effective. Some traditional vamps cannot enter your home unless expressly invited, so stay indoors and don't let anyone under suspicion come inside. If you are in a situation where you need to kill this type of vampire, expose them to sunlight or stake them through the heart.

Things to consider before (voluntarily) becoming one: Classic vampires typically lack normal human empathy or self-control. Respect for life is almost never present. The violence and brutality of this type of undead being may be a power trip for some, but is a hellish existence for most (once you actually do become one, though, you probably won’t care.)

Further Info:

Anne Rice's Vampires: These vamps display some slight variations from the previously described characteristics (ex., some vamps retain a respect for life, and crucifixes are ineffective weapons). A thorough versing in this alternate type of the traditional vamp is recommended. Try reading the "Vampire Chronicles" series and the films "Interview with the Vampire" and "Queen of the Damned."

Interview with the Vampire trailer: This is not only one of the best vampire movies ever made, but, in a broader perspective, is one of the best book-to-movie adaptations ever made (the key to that success? The author wrote the screenplay. Now, why don't they do that more often?) Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt play Lestat and Louis, respectively, and Kirsten Dunst gives an absolutely stellar and impressive performance as Claudia. A must-see! :

See the first ten minutes of Queen of the Damned:

Bram Stoker's Dracula: The original pop culture vampire is, of course, Bram Stoker's “Dracula”. Aside form the 18* novel, there are also a variety of films to choose from when studying this vamp, most notably the Bela Lugosi version (1931) and "Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992) featuring Anthony Hopkins, Keanu

Reeves, Gary Oldman, and Winona Rider.

See the trailer:

The 2004 film "Van Helsing": This movie puts a new spin on the Stoker's vamp hunter "Abraham Van Helsing", an elderly doctor*. Hugh Jackman plays a young, energetic warrior.

See the trailer:

Steven King's " 'Salem's Lot": Read the book. Don't see the movie.

Elizabeth Kostova's "The Historian": This is an excellent book that exemplifies the traditional vampire in its traditional setting.

THE ROMANTIC VAMPIRE

What they are: This type of vampire is the most common today. They are tortured, misunderstood, sensuous and emotional creatures. How cool they are depends completely on who created them.

How to avoid them: Whether or not you want to avoid this type of vampire is up to you. Some, under the right circumstances, are deadly. For example, Christine Feehan's Carpathians will become full-on evil bloodsuckers if they don't find their "lifemate" (that could be you, if you're female, psychic, and predestined) within a certain amount of time. Others are fierce warriors but sweet underneath, such as Sherrilyn Kenyon's semi-vampires, the Dark Hunters. Others are always nice, like Lynsay Sands' vampires. They all have one weakness, though, that can be used to your advantage should you need or want to escape: sunlight.

How to tell that you're dealing with one: These vampires are attractive, sexual and pale.

Your best defense: Sunlight...or sex appeal.

Things to consider before becoming one: First of all, if you have Seasonal Affective Disorder, prefer bright summer days at the beach, or consider a tan to be a necessity of life, becoming a vamp, no matter how hot the guy (or girl) turning you is, is unadvisable. You also have to decide whether you're willing to give up your favorite foods in favor of a steady diet of blood. Squeamish? Vampirism is not recommended. You also need to decide whether you really want to live on earth for eternity. It may sound nice on the surface, but let's face it: life often sucks. Do you really want it to last for forever?

Further Info:

Twilight Vampires: This is a new brand of vamp that is currently extremely popular. They typically attract young teenage girls and their mothers. How can you tell that you’re dealing with one? They sparkle in the sun. Lame.

See Edward sparkle:

Vampire Romance Novels: This is a popular and diverse genre and there are now countless series focusing on vampire romance. Popular adult examples include: Sherrilyn Kenyon’s “Dark- Hunter” series, Christine Feehan’s “Dark” series, Lynsay Sands’ “Argeneau Vampire” series, Laurell K. Hamilton’s “Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter” series, and Kresley Cole’s “The Immortals After Dark” series. A much more complete (though not completely complete) list can be viewed at: http://www.amazon.com/Vampire-Romance-Series/lm/R2PBPX2JJPF6ZN

I hope that this article has been an informative one, and that you will be better prepared in the event of a vampire attack as a result of your reading it. If you'd like to purchase or put together a vampire hunting kit, please see this website: http://www.geocities.com/spookyland/kits.html Good luck!

Of the Week, Volume I

I am re-posting this, which I removed last week:

I’ve decided that I want to do this in addition to the weekly required post because I think it would be fun. If anyone actually reads this (and likes it), then I’ll keep doing it.

Stupidly funny video of the week: Charlie the Unicorn.

This video is extremely stupid, yet awesome. The first time I ever saw it, I thought it was the dumbest thing I’d ever seen. But it’s one of those things where, despite your initial reaction, you want to watch it again the next day. I originally wanted to put this video straight onto this page, but this site is not on the “share” list, so I don’t know how to post it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsGYh8AacgY

Quote of the week: “Too weird to live, and too rare to die.” –Johnny Depp’s character referring to another character in the film “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”

News of the week: Florida College Releases Emergency Information in the Event of a Zombie Attack

- Read the news story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091001/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_zombie_emergency_plan -

Book review of the week: “Shrieks at Midnight Macabre Poems, Eerie and Humerous” (Selected by Sara and John E. Brewton. Thomas Y. Crowell Company, New York, Copyright 1969)

I would highly recommend this book! I love it. I enjoy the macabre immensely. Perhaps I am a sick individual, but if so, at least the rest of you can profit from that fact. Since this is a review, it does not infringe on copyright for me to make a quote. So, here is a very short poem:

Donne Redone

Ask not for whom the bells toll.
Don’t get yourself in a stew.
As long as you can hear the clang,
Relax; they’re not for you.

-Joseph Paul Tierney

This poem is one of my favorites. It is a good example of the book’s tone: it’s funny, but in a morbid sort of way. No personal library can possibly be complete without this gruesome collection of ghastly verse. Well…no personal library belonging to a person as demented as I am, anyway. It is pretty old, so you may need to buy it online, like I did, or possibly find it in a library; I don’t know whether it was re-printed.

- I wrote this review. I own the book, and that is where I got the information. -

Movie review of the week: “Pigs” 1972, rated “R”

In honor of the beginning of the Halloween season, I have chosen to review a ridiculous horror movie that I saw a few years ago with my sister and a friend. We rented it because it looked cheesy, stupid, and possibly amusing in a sick sort of way. We were correct in these assumptions.

This movie is so bad that it didn’t even hit the radar on “IMBD.” I thought that that website had every movie ever made, but I have been proven wrong. I did, however, find another review of this movie online along with the year it was made and the rating. It refreshed my memory of the plot, but I don’t want to give it away in case you want to watch it, of course. All you need to know is that 1. This film is terrible and 2. this film involves man-eating pigs.

I would recommend this movie if you are up really, really late with friends and you enjoy making fun of things. A really bad movie can be amusing if you have other people to share it with.

- I wrote this review myself. I got the year and rating from this site, which has a more complete review of the film: http://www.badmovies.org/movies/pigs/ -

Song of the week: Come Together by the Beatles

- October 1st was Rock-Your-Beatles Day! Fans were supposed to play this song at noon, but I forgot. I did remember to wear a Beatle’s t-shirt, though. -

Music review of the week: “Thriller” by Michael Jackson (from the “Thriller” album, 1982)

Since Michael Jackson died recently, and we have now entered the bewitching month of October, this week’s review is of the song “Thriller”. Most people have probably heard this song and don’t really need to read a review about it. To its advantage, it’s a classic, and it’s creepy. To its disadvantage, it is decidedly eighties. However, this song was recorded before Michael Jackson got really screwed up and was actually pretty cool. That’s another point in the song’s favor. I also like the “Vincent Price” touch (the spoken part of the song is performed by V.P. – according to Wikipedia, that part was not in the original version.)

What’s really great about this song, though, isn’t really the music itself, but the video. It features a cemetery full of the walking dead stalking a young girl – fantastic, right? I have only one question: how is it that, when the zombies first crawl out of their graves, they can barely walk and are all jerky and stuff, and yet, magically, they can dance perfectly well a few moments later?

- This review was written by me. I used this site for some of the information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thriller_(song) Here, you can see the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8 -

Suggested Food of the Week: Dreyer’s Limited Edition Pumpkin Ice Cream.

Bizarre Fact of the week: Dwight Kalb, an artist from Chicago, made a statue of Madonna out of 180 pounds of ham.

-Information from http://www.ebizarre.com/Category/Arts_and_Literature -

My name

My first name is Samantha. No one calls me that, though; they call me Sam. Samantha is my name when I am in trouble. Or, Samantha Ann. That makes it worse. First, middle and last is the worst of all. When I was a kid, it probably meant that I was about to get a beating.

My dad chose my first name. He named me after a cat he had when he was a kid, which he described as "dumber than a box of rocks." Yeah. When I complained about this dubious origin, he said that he just named the cat that because he liked the name, and it just happened to turn out dumb. He said the real reason was that he thought it was cool to call a girl "Sam." I guess he was into the boy-name-as-a-girl-name thing. My mom wanted the name "Tabitha". I'm glad that my dad won. I probably would have ended up as a preppy cheerleader or something if I'd been named "Tabitha."

My middle name is Ann. It is my mom's middle name, too. If I ever have a daughter, I plan to make her middle name "Ann" as well, although daughters (or sons, for that matter) are not in my foreseeable future.

My old last name was Drouillard. As strange as it was, I was - am - rather attached to it. Having that last name was a big deal when I was a kid, for a lot of reasons...it would take too long to go into it all in this post. Maybe I'll tell about it in another post, though, because it is kind of cool. Anyway, changing my last name was a lot more of an identity crisis than one might anticipate. I mean, I know people do it every day, but it was still a big deal to me. It was like I was losing a part of myself. I still don't like it much. My new last name is Wolfley. This is a cool name for a guy, but it doesn't sound like a good last name for a girl to me. I sort of wish I'd done the modern thing and kept my maiden name, but I was taught that you are supposed to change your name, and Jordan said that it would have upset him if I didn't change it. Hyphenating would have been ridiculous. Drouillard-Wolfley? That is waaaay too long. My initials spell "SAW" now, which I suppose is better than "SAD". I think it would have been awesome if I married someone whose last name started with an "M". Then my initials would have spelled "SAM." Not that I wish I married someone else or anything; it just would have been cool if his last name were different. But don't tell him that.

I guess I will stop now. Bye.