Vampires: Are You Prepared?

A Short Guide to Your Protection

While emergency guides regarding fires, hurricanes, robbers, assailants and other dangerous subjects are common, an increasingly prevalent threat has been all but ignored: vampirism.

Vampires have been popping up everywhere lately. Popular culture has embraced the vampire and elevated him to a prominent position in movies, literature, comics, magazines, video games, costumes and lifestyles. Despite this, most people are completely unprepared for a real vampire attack.

The trickiest thing about vampire protection is the fact that there are now so many different types of them. Knowing what kind of vamp you are dealing with can mean that the best method of protection could be the difference between staking them and getting them to fall in love with you. It could also mean the difference between death and eternal life, should you either unwittingly or by choice become a vampire.

Below are the most common types of vampires and how to either avoid them, protect yourself from them, or make the decision to become one of the undead yourself...

THE TRADITIONAL VAMPIRE

What they are: This type of vamp dates back to ancient times. Most people are aware of this type of vampire because of the classic bloodsucker, Dracula. They have a nearly uncontrollable bloodlust and are typically quite evil. They kill their victims, or make them into vampires themselves.

How to avoid them: These vampires sleep in coffins during the day, so hanging out near a casket around nightfall should be avoided. They are typically quite crafty, so watch out. Many can also change form. Alternate forms include a bat, a wolf, and fog or mist.

How to tell that you're dealing with one: This type of vampire will shy away from light, garlic, and religious symbols. They cast no reflection in a mirror. A pale complexion, sharp teeth, and old-world clothing can be observed. There may or may not be a Transylvanian accent present. Another telltale sign is the presence of twin pinpricks on the necks of victims.

Your best defense: Wielding a cross, crucifix, or holy water is ideal. Hanging garlic around your home or draping a string of it around your neck, though nasally unpleasant, can be effective. Some traditional vamps cannot enter your home unless expressly invited, so stay indoors and don't let anyone under suspicion come inside. If you are in a situation where you need to kill this type of vampire, expose them to sunlight or stake them through the heart.

Things to consider before (voluntarily) becoming one: Classic vampires typically lack normal human empathy or self-control. Respect for life is almost never present. The violence and brutality of this type of undead being may be a power trip for some, but is a hellish existence for most (once you actually do become one, though, you probably won’t care.)

Further Info:

Anne Rice's Vampires: These vamps display some slight variations from the previously described characteristics (ex., some vamps retain a respect for life, and crucifixes are ineffective weapons). A thorough versing in this alternate type of the traditional vamp is recommended. Try reading the "Vampire Chronicles" series and the films "Interview with the Vampire" and "Queen of the Damned."

Interview with the Vampire trailer: This is not only one of the best vampire movies ever made, but, in a broader perspective, is one of the best book-to-movie adaptations ever made (the key to that success? The author wrote the screenplay. Now, why don't they do that more often?) Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt play Lestat and Louis, respectively, and Kirsten Dunst gives an absolutely stellar and impressive performance as Claudia. A must-see! :

See the first ten minutes of Queen of the Damned:

Bram Stoker's Dracula: The original pop culture vampire is, of course, Bram Stoker's “Dracula”. Aside form the 18* novel, there are also a variety of films to choose from when studying this vamp, most notably the Bela Lugosi version (1931) and "Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992) featuring Anthony Hopkins, Keanu

Reeves, Gary Oldman, and Winona Rider.

See the trailer:

The 2004 film "Van Helsing": This movie puts a new spin on the Stoker's vamp hunter "Abraham Van Helsing", an elderly doctor*. Hugh Jackman plays a young, energetic warrior.

See the trailer:

Steven King's " 'Salem's Lot": Read the book. Don't see the movie.

Elizabeth Kostova's "The Historian": This is an excellent book that exemplifies the traditional vampire in its traditional setting.

THE ROMANTIC VAMPIRE

What they are: This type of vampire is the most common today. They are tortured, misunderstood, sensuous and emotional creatures. How cool they are depends completely on who created them.

How to avoid them: Whether or not you want to avoid this type of vampire is up to you. Some, under the right circumstances, are deadly. For example, Christine Feehan's Carpathians will become full-on evil bloodsuckers if they don't find their "lifemate" (that could be you, if you're female, psychic, and predestined) within a certain amount of time. Others are fierce warriors but sweet underneath, such as Sherrilyn Kenyon's semi-vampires, the Dark Hunters. Others are always nice, like Lynsay Sands' vampires. They all have one weakness, though, that can be used to your advantage should you need or want to escape: sunlight.

How to tell that you're dealing with one: These vampires are attractive, sexual and pale.

Your best defense: Sunlight...or sex appeal.

Things to consider before becoming one: First of all, if you have Seasonal Affective Disorder, prefer bright summer days at the beach, or consider a tan to be a necessity of life, becoming a vamp, no matter how hot the guy (or girl) turning you is, is unadvisable. You also have to decide whether you're willing to give up your favorite foods in favor of a steady diet of blood. Squeamish? Vampirism is not recommended. You also need to decide whether you really want to live on earth for eternity. It may sound nice on the surface, but let's face it: life often sucks. Do you really want it to last for forever?

Further Info:

Twilight Vampires: This is a new brand of vamp that is currently extremely popular. They typically attract young teenage girls and their mothers. How can you tell that you’re dealing with one? They sparkle in the sun. Lame.

See Edward sparkle:

Vampire Romance Novels: This is a popular and diverse genre and there are now countless series focusing on vampire romance. Popular adult examples include: Sherrilyn Kenyon’s “Dark- Hunter” series, Christine Feehan’s “Dark” series, Lynsay Sands’ “Argeneau Vampire” series, Laurell K. Hamilton’s “Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter” series, and Kresley Cole’s “The Immortals After Dark” series. A much more complete (though not completely complete) list can be viewed at: http://www.amazon.com/Vampire-Romance-Series/lm/R2PBPX2JJPF6ZN

I hope that this article has been an informative one, and that you will be better prepared in the event of a vampire attack as a result of your reading it. If you'd like to purchase or put together a vampire hunting kit, please see this website: http://www.geocities.com/spookyland/kits.html Good luck!